In the past few years I have gone to wakes and funerals and raised my glass in a toast to family members as well as friends who have passed away. But, now, every time I raise my glass to Steve it is so very different than all of those other times. How can I raise my glass in a toast to a man who meant so much to me and brings to mind so many memories? A toast seems so quick and inadequate. When my glass goes up, I remember in a flash everything Steve was and the wonderful things he did just like they say “your life will flash before your eyes.” By toasting Steve I feel that I am admitting that he is gone forever and that I will never see him again.
You all knew Steve and the kind, photo taking, beer and food loving, old joke telling guy that I knew. But, I knew someone you all could never know. I knew the Steve that encouraged me to do the things I never would have, a Steve that challenged me to try very different things; from eating slimy snails to rafting the Rogue River rapids and even sailing the South Pacific for two years, a Steve that eased me out of my shyness and into pitching products with a microphone strapped to my head! You never met the Steve that was embarrassed that his legs were too white to walk around La Paz with shorts on, or the Steve that was too shy to speak Spanish. I knew a Steve that was gentle and caring and would go off running for a glass of ice water when I was lying with my face to the bathroom floor tiles after a chemo treatment, the Steve that never once pawned me off on others who offered to “help”.
Surely I will run out of tears for this man that I spent 40 of the best years of my life with, the man that never refused me a hug, a whistle or a wink. Steve was the man I sat across the table from, slept, worked, played, and laughed with for practically twenty four hours a day, seven days a week. I have cried tears until I thought I couldn’t possibly cry any more but I’m sure there are many more yet to come. I need you all to tell me the stories you remember of Steve and please, please never be afraid to mention his name because you think it might make me cry. Right now the tears and funny stories, as well as the toasts are exactly what I need.
Crit took our family and friends out to sea to return part of Steve to the waters that he so loved. It was a very touching and wonderful moment when we sent both Steve and Dan off together to play with the dolphins along with some of the beautiful red Bouganvillia flower petals that Steve nurtured from our courtyard in La Paz.
Rest in Peace, Steve. I will never forget our wonderful life together.
Ana
