Made the Newspaper!

Many of you may not know that Rauno writes for the local newspaper called the "Applegater".  Every quarter he sends in an article to add to his "Trends" column.  Below is his latest, thought you might enjoy the read!

8 Summer 2013 Applegater
BY Rauno Perttu
A new sunrise
TRENDS AND OBSERVATIONS

A year ago, after dementia had slowly
destroyed my beloved wife, Jan, she passed
away. At the end, her dementia had even
stolen her ability to swallow food or water,
but the Jan I knew had been stolen away
by this terrible disease long before that.
My son Kirk and daughter Emily,
concerned about me being alone, said I
should start dating. The thought of dating
was strange and somewhat frightening after
so many years of marriage. At their urging,
and with the additional urging of more
family and friends, I began to date—an
unfamiliar ritual after 40 years.
I took a few very nice ladies to dinner,
and confirmed that I much prefer the
companionship of a lady to being alone.
I also recognized that, after decades of a
happy marriage, I was actually looking for a
serious relationship. The ladies I met were
mostly divorced and looking for someone
to take them to dinner, a show, or a social
event, but nothing serious.
I commented to Kirk and Emily that
there aren’t many single ladies in our rural
Applegate Valley. They said I should check
out the online dating sites. I said I couldn’t
do that, but they replied, “Everyone does it
these days,” and added that’s how some of
their friends had met. Kirk recommended
one that he said is probably the most-used
site with the most people.
With their urging, I decided to
take the plunge. I answered the online
questions and reviewed the profiles of the
local ladies on the site. It soon became
almost a morning ritual to check out who
had looked at my profile and whom the
site had flagged for me to review. One
day, I noticed that I could also see who
had looked at my site but moved on,
presumably with no interest. I promptly
checked out who had checked me out and
moved on to better candidates.
Among this list of uninterested ladies
was a pretty face with a big smile that
immediately caught my attention. Her
write-up was sincere and unpretentious.
She was a widow after almost 40 years of
a happy marriage. When she wrote that
her idea of a fun date
was taking a walk along
the shore, then topping
it off with fish tacos,
I became intrigued.
When she wrote that she
was a “smile machine,” I
was interested. I could
get accustomed to that
smile.
However, there
were two immediate
problems—she had
rejected me, and she
lived in La Paz on
the Baja Peninsula in
Mexico. La Paz is not
just right next door, and
I wondered why she was living there. I
decided on a cautious approach. I emailed
her to ask for her advice. I told her I had
also lost a spouse after 40 years, was out of
practice with meeting ladies, and did she
have any advice?
To my delight, she sent me a nice
reply. We quickly exchanged a long flurry
of emails. She had rejected me because
I had mentioned that, as an Oregon
university graduate, I enjoy Ducks football.
Her image was of me sprawled on the
sofa watching football in my t-shirt while
smashing empty beer cans against my
forehead. I was able to convince her it’s
not that bad. My forehead isn’t tough
enough for beer cans, and my t-shirt is
usually clean. It turned out she and her
husband had come to La Paz on their
sailboat after sailing in the South Pacific
and had fallen in love with the town. They
bought a house, sold their boat, met many
wonderful people and settled in. After her
husband died, also at a too-early age, she,
like me, realized she would rather share her
life than live alone.
During o u r
emailing, I got her real
name, Ana, and
her Skype number.
We were soon able
to see and hear each
other, which was much
better than just emails.
Somewhere in the midst
of all our conversations,
I thought, “What are we
doing? She’s almost two
thousand miles from
here.” Her reply to my
concern was “So what?
We’ve both done a lot of
traveling.”
I thought she was right and booked
a flight to La Paz. Because of all the time
we had spent online and on Skype, when
we met for the first time it seemed that we
already knew each other. To me, she was
even better in person. My week in La Paz
passed quickly and happily. That trip was
soon followed by two weeks spent together
mostly in San Francisco (medical followups—
she’s a cancer survivor), with a quick
trip to the Applegate.
I soon made a second trip to La Paz.
While there, I noticed that La Paz’s warm
sunshine felt better on my old face than
our cold winter wind and rain. We were
soon discussing spending future winters
in La Paz.
For 26 years, I have enjoyed this special
property on the
river. However,
a s b e a u t i f u l ,
comfortable and
private as it is,
with Jan and the children gone, I was
unsuccessfully struggling with maintaining
the acreage, house and outbuildings.
Although I was trying to resist becoming
just another old snowbird, I had also been
considering winters in a warmer spot.
When Ana told me she hates the winter
cold, we had the obvious answer: winters
in La Paz.
Although I don’t yet speak Spanish,
she is fluent, I want to learn, and there is a
flourishing community of other snowbirds
in La Paz. Ana soon volunteered to join
me in the Applegate to get my house ready
for sale. I don’t think she knew what she
had volunteered for, because she had no
idea how much I had accumulated over
the years. She has become an expert
seller on on-line auction, and knows how to separate
the worthwhile from the junk. We are
planning an estate sale and yard sale(s) so
we can sell the house. I hadn’t appreciated
how much I had let the house, outbuildings
and property deteriorate during the years
when Jan was declining. All this means
that we will both be busy getting the
house emptied and repaired for sale, while
squeezing in ample goof-off time.
I love the Applegate Valley, which
has been my year-round home for the past
26 years. However, starting this coming
winter, I plan to sadly miss those cold
winter days in the Applegate, while having
to tolerate warm sunshine in La Paz. A new
sunrise has dawned for Ana and me. Our
spouses would be happy for us.
Rauno

First of Many River Parties!

Today promised to be a wonderful day.  I wasn't disappointed when I headed down to the river with my book.  After reading about the president of Liberia and her struggles to get to where she wanted to be, I stopped, put my book down and stared at the river. 

It is very interesting how the sounds of "water" make a person think.  Just random thoughts about past present and future.  So many memories for me connected with water and so many new memories waiting to be made.  

As many of you know, Rauno's house is on a river.  Last night I had a "girls" party and I suggested we grab our bottle of wine, beer, etc along with some appetizers and we head down to the river.  The evening was perfect, warm sun on our faces, for those of us who love the sun, and coolish shade for those of us who don't.  It was great! 

I had met four of the ladies weeks before and had the pleasure of meeting two new ladies last night.   Conversation flowed like the river.  Jokes were told along with stories of our lives.  The best part, though, was the laughter. In case you all didn't know this about me, I love having girlfriends. It is so easy for women to talk, so natural.  We can talk about anything, hopefully, without offending.  You know you are in the right company when you can talk trashy or swear and no one frowns at you. Or, you can cry and the group cries with you. 

After appetizers we headed up to the house for quiche and dessert.  Of course nothing compliments dessert like sweet tequila and nothing compliments sweet tequila like games!  The tequila seemed to create a new kind of conversation and an even heartier laughter. 

Last night was a fantastic evening, one I hope to repeat in the future.

Thank you, (in alphabetical order) Anya, Cynthia, Ellie, Lynette, Raye, Sioux and Thalia for such a fun evening!

New Beginnings, New Experiences

Well, I've been in Oregon almost three months!  It really is beautiful here, although it started out a lot colder than I would have liked.  The weather is, just now, starting to improve.  I must admit, the many fruit trees are very pretty with all of their colorful blooms and I'm excited just thinking about all of the pears, apples, and plums I will be able to pick just outside of the door.  I might mention there will also be tons of grapes, raspberries and blackberries too.

I've been fortunate to have met some very nice people already, Sioux and J.D. who are long time friends and neighbors of Rauno's.  Not neighbors in the sense that you go next door and borrow a cup of sugar, but neighbors of about a few miles away.  Sioux and J.D. introduced us to Thalia (love that name) Cynthia and Lynette.

We had a lovely visit from Emily and Widget (dog).  Hard not to fall in love with Emily, she is the woman everyone wants to be. Emily is beautiful, athletic, fit (that goes with the athletic!), and she likes the "Idol".  Kirk lives near by so we see more of him, very nice guy and fantastic photographer.  Rauno is very proud of his two kids and rightly so.

Pizza and eclair night with J.D., Sioux, Rauno and I

Sushi night with (left to right) J.D., Sioux, Thalia, Cynthia, moi and Lynette

Rauno and I showing off tree blooms

There have been some fantastic hikes, many just up and down the highway that runs in front of the house.
Do I miss La Paz, you ask?  Yes, I do, very much.  But, Oregon is now and now is where I want to be until mid October when we will both relocate to that colorful, loud, dusty, lazy city that is so addictive.

Busy, Busy, Oh My

Wow, it has been so busy since Patti left!  Let's see, Patti left on November 26 and this is what has happened since.

I had eight days to get ready for Rauno's  arrival of his trip back to La Paz.  It was so great to have him back again. We were pretty busy while Rauno was here, we gave a party at Casa Ana, we went to a happy hour on Hotel California which was nice catching up, just the four of us.  We attended a party at Fern and Brian's, we went out to La Ventana and watched the kite surfers with Mike and Jeanette which was major fun, we walked the Malecon many times, ate a lot, and played lots of Rummi Kub which Rauno is getting too good at!  Rauno's ten days here just flew by and saying goodbye was very hard.

Ginger and Lorraine

Rick closing his deal on Ebay

Gregg, Liz and Lisa

Bill on the left, Barb and Rauno

Corrine and Sharon

So, what's next you ask?  I'll keep you posted!  

Patti Came A Calling

In 1989 while cruising, we met many people.  Some of those people sort of fade into the sunset, others stay in contact forever.  While in Hawaii in 1989 we met Patti who was on her boat with a friend.  Once we both returned to our prospective homes, Patti up to Canada and us to Idaho, we exchanged Christmas cards with newsletters letting each other know what was new in our lives.  Then, finally, one day Patti joined the rest of the world and bought a computer!  We were able to correspond much easier and last year Patti came to La Paz to visit.  This year made two years in a row that Patti came and as you can see from the following pictures, we had a great time! 

 

There was a whale shark watching day thanks to Dale and Dena, there were parties, a Thanksgiving celebration, a Cruiser's party, a parade and many walks on the Malecon that included ice cream from the Polka Dot Tree of Frozen Yorurt.

I took Patti to the airport this morning and I must say, I miss her already!

Ain’t Life Grand and a Surprise!

What do hurricanes, earthquakes and tornadoes have in common?  They turn your life upside down.  I have had an upside down life for a while now but things have started to calm down and right themselves. 

As of last week, I am now a three year cancer survivor.  That in itself seems like a miracle to me.  I have managed to meet a wonderful man that cares for me lock, stock and barrel. A man who does not care what my past has been or what my future could bring.   This man’s name is Rauno.

I just spent the last ten days getting tested, poked and prodded at UCSF in San Francisco and Rauno was right by my side the entire time.  I am beginning to feel whole again and I know he feels the same.  I also had the pleasure of meeting his daughter, Emily and her husband Creighton and his son, Kirk.  Both Emily and Kirk seem very supportive of their father and seem genuinely happy for us.  My son, Marc, my sister and nieces are all equally happy for us.  While in the Bay Area we had breakfast with Aunt Norma and Uncle Tom and received their approval as well! 

Our first few days in San Francisco we got to play tourists, visiting the Museum of Science, Pier 39, the Botanical Gardens in Golden Gate Park, China Town and we did lots and lots of walking around San Francisco which we both really enjoy doing. We had dinner in the city with Emily and Creighton, Kim and Mike and then topped our evening off with Beach Blanket Babylon, a must if you are ever in San Francisco. 

They're A Match!

Stop and think about how many people are in the world, no, forget the world and just think about the number of people who live between La Paz and Oregon.  I figured it out and being the mathematical genius that I am, I came up with 41,778,494.  Now, try to imagine 93 million visitors per month trying to find a partner on one of the world's most popular sites.  It is mind-boggling, but dog gone it, it worked for Rauno and me.

On the 6th, Rauno flew down to make that final and necessary face-to-face connection.  We felt like we already knew each other, thanks to hundreds of emails, hours of phone conversations and the ever popular Skype.  One of the things we knew about each other was that we both had been fortunate to have had wonderful and happy marriages, and we knew that we wanted that again.  That, right there, eliminated most of those 93 million people who were divorced and seeking anything BUT marriage!  We both missed the companionship we had been robbed of.  We missed everything from the morning coffee ritual to holding hands on an evening walk, and having someone to share everything with.

While there are no plans to run off to Vegas and be married by Elvis, we have become a couple.  We know that our family and friends are happy for us and that is the best feeling in the world.

Both Rauno and I feel that Jan and Steve will always be with us and that they would have wanted us to move forward and be happy.

Yesterday was an exciting day for our friend, Paulette!  Paulette has made a huge life change by leaving the comfort of the U.S. for La Paz.  Already she is shaking her head and wondering if she did the right thing. It will take a while, just like it takes all of us. Mexico can be a foreign country, a very foreign country!

Paulette drove us to dinner last night and her son, Gage, and I were saying things like "yes, it's a stop but that doesn't mean you have to stop", or "don't dawdle, keep the car moving"!  No one knows more than I how frustrating and difficult the driving can be here.  I've only been driving here for eighteen months and I'm just starting to get it.  Almost every time that Steve drove, my knuckles turned white and now I chuckle when I glance over and see that my passenger's fists are balled up and their knuckles look like mine used to!  Ha! Payback!

A new adventure is always exciting and we hope that Paulette's is a wonderful new chapter in her book of life.

Welcome Home Paulette!

Starting from the left: Gate, Paulette's son, his friend Luka, myself and Paulette

The Scoop

Okay, I know all of you are wondering about the “happy face” pictures on Facebook and what has brought those smiles to my face.  Well, part of it is “makeup” which I rarely use, and,  I’ve decided I don’t like being alone and I have started to date. Geez, do we still call it that? 

Last week a gentleman from Reno flew down to meet me, and the idea of that was pretty exciting. He, Dwain, arrived on Thursday and we had a very nice week.  Dwain was extremely generous, very much the gentleman and I even got one long walk on the Malecon out of him.  We attended two parties, ate lots of fish tacos, Huachinango and ice cream from the Polka Dot Tree.  

Dwain’s visit was a great trial run, but in the end, nothing will come of it.  As always, there were hurdles like me loving my retirement in La Paz and not wanting to leave, he loving his job and not wanting to quit, I get goose bumps from a fan on overhead and he loves the four seasons.   Like me, Dwain is a widower and I believe, in my heart, that the one BIG hurdle is that he cannot deal with the possible recurrence of my cancer and that, in the end, I will die.   He said he didn’t think he could survive losing another person.  That is totally okay, too.  I can accept that. The bright side? I have a new life-long friend out of the deal.

However, I haven’t received a date in the mail yet as to when my demise will come.  So, until then, I plan to continue to LIVE and enjoy what time I have left.  Hopefully, the rest of my life will include a special man.  Now, how difficult can that be?  I’m taking applications and interviewing, you know where to reach me!   

Dwain enjoying his "orange soda"

Dwain with his first "Mexican Hot Dog"

Me with Dwain's Skeleton

Rummi Kub Group

My lovely guests from left to right: Marta, Sylvia, Mary (sitting) Pilar (standing) Leti, Cecilia and Mercedes

One of the things I love about La Paz are the many varied activities one can get themselves into if they have the inclination.  Recently, a friend invited me to play in their Rummi group.  Needless to say, I felt very flattered as these groups get formed and they stay the size they are. The people (in this case, ladies) get comfortable with each other and know what and what not to talk about.  These get-togethers are like therapy sessions you might pay a lot of money for!  Problems are hashed out, peoples lives are up-dated and general goodwill is performed.  One of the ladies in this group has had health issues for a while, so the ladies of the group decided they would gather all the clothing items, kitchen gadgetry, appliances, furniture and general "stuff" they didn't use any more and have a huge garage sale to raise funds for her surgery.  The garage sale was so successful that it has turned into an on-going money raiser for her.  I had the pleasure of volunteering some time at the garage sale and I not only contributed "stuff", I brought home purchases!  I call that a win-win. 

Another thing about this group is that they serve a full dinner before they play, not just little snackies like chips or nuts!  Last Friday was to be my first time hosting and I was stressed. What to serve? What will they think when they see I am furniture challenged but actually like it this way? Would they be able to relax with someone they've only met on a couple of occasions? And, none of these ladies speak English, or if they do they keep it to themselves!

Well, I am happy to report that all went well!  The ladies arrived at 8:30 p.m. (normally my bed time, but I had prepared at 3:00 p.m. with a cup of black coffee and a chocolate cupcake)! There were about five women that couldn't make it.  I decided to make something the ladies may never have tried, so I made Spring Rolls, Jaye was kind enough to come over and help me make Chicken Curry, I steamed up some rice and made lemon pies for dessert!

Dinner was a hit, the ladies were kind, gracious and ate everything!  I can't wait until it's my turn again, but next time I won't be so stressed about it.  Yeah, right!  I might mention that the party ended after midnight and I stayed awake for the whole thing!

Snacks

Spring Rolls

Jaye's Chicken Curry

Lemon Cream Pie

Sixty Four Years Old! Wow!

This morning I woke up reflecting on what all has happened in my sixty-four years of life on this earth.  It has been a pretty great run, much sadness but also a lot of happiness.  While some people refuse to share their age, I am happy to be 64!

Birthdays are strange, aren’t they?  When we are young, we can’t wait to be older and when we are older, we want to stop counting the years. We wish we didn’t have gray hair or laugh lines or flabby arms.  We get to be this age and we start losing our moms, dads, spouses and friends to old age and diseases.  Our memory takes a trip to, who knows where! And we get hitches in our giddy-up’s, as my father-in-law used to say. 

Sometimes I can’t understand why I am still on this earth.   What freak thing happens that allows someone very sick to live on and others that are healthy to not survive?  We don’t have the answers to these questions, wouldn’t it be great if we did? 

But, I’m here. I have gray hair, many laugh lines, flabby arms and a few other things that weren’t there when I was 20!  Just so you know, I happen to love my gray hair, I’m even okay with the wrinkles that we call “laugh lines”, and about those flabby arms………3/4” sleeves!   Great invention!

Thank you all for wonderful birthday wishes!

From left to right sitting are Julie, Mai, me with the pool hair, Mercedes. Standing from left to right are Linda, Ginger and Lorraine.

Paulette Comes A Visiting!

On Monday, July 2nd, Paulette arrived in La Paz.  Looking for a life change, she was thinking maybe La Paz would be the place to do just that.  The first couple of days were unusually cool for July in La Paz, we ate at outdoor restaurants and indoor ones as well. We never did make it to the hot dog cart.  We went to the beach on a couple of occasions, the water was absolutely delicious!  On Thursday we had a party with about twenty ladies. It had been a while since Casa Ana hosted a party but everything went well and we had great pot luck appetizers.  I'd have to say the winners were Jaye's  little quiches and Fern's Mexican egg rolls.  Don't get me wrong, it was all great!   We also went to an Awards dinner on the 4th of July given after the sailboat races in the bay. 
Being the interior designer that Paulette is, she started rummaging thru my cupboards to see what she could find to decorate with.  It amazes me that she could turn a plain room into something that would appear in House Beautiful!
I think Paulette got a pretty good idea of what life in La Paz can be like.  She made instant friends and has decided to take the plunge!  We look forward to having her in our community!



Lovely Paulette

From left to right, Penny, Sheryl, Fern and Jaye

From left to right, Lorraine, Mercedes, Sandy and Linda

From left to right, Terry, Ana, Yvonne and Corrine

I'm sorry I didn't get photos of the ladies that were visiting in the kitchen, we will get you next time at our next party! We all decided it was great fun and that we should do it more often. 

This morning, as usual, I headed to the kitchen, in my morning fog, to get that first and much anticipated cup of coffee.  A couple of sips later I was sitting at my computer ready to catch up on world events.  Nothing serious, we’re talking about “my” world. 

The first thing for me is to open my email.  This morning, I opened my mail and you can’t imagine what I felt when I saw an email come thru from “Steve Hall”.  I froze and stared, wondering and trying to conjure up how many Steve Halls’s I knew.  Of course, I hoped it was a long delayed message Steve may have written before he died.  I cried, I blew my nose and as stupid as it seems, I opened it hoping that I would not be disappointed.  I didn’t click on the link, I’m not THAT dumb!

But, no, it was some STUPID, STUPID person that hijacked Steve’s email contacts. 

I would like very much to know what these people get out of sending these links.  I don't understand. 

New Beginnings

Steve and I had a favorite restaurant called “Café Maria’s”. A year and a half ago, Maria’s husband, Jorge, suddenly passed away.  Maria, an older Mexican lady, conformed to tradition and wore dark colors for the appropriate length of time.  Soon after that, Maria began to repair her restaurant – she painted and laid new flooring and generally spiffed up the place. Steve and I tried to figure it out.  Why do some people wait until the loss of their mate to change their surroundings?

Is it a financial decision? Or lack of time?  Perhaps couples become so comfortable with their lives they aren’t motivated to make changes.  Possibly, they’re so busy enjoying each other that repairs are postponed to manana.

It’s true that Steve and I were so busy enjoying our lives together that we didn’t notice that the frames around our bedroom doors had wood putty on them since we bought the house five years ago!  Steve would never hire a handyman since he planned to do the work himself – tomorrow. But women like Maria and I can’t do the work ourselves so we merely need to pick up the phone and a worker will come today. . Also, I think we just need to keep moving, keep moving to forget.

But Steve and Jorge are no longer here.  Today I watched the painter transform “our” house into “my” house using bright and bold colors and I had an “aha moment”.  It was time, it was time to let go, move on and start a new life full of color.  Color, I might add, chosen by (in alphabetical order! Donna, Judy, Linda, and Victoria).  My Victoria, always at the end of the alphabetical line-up. 

Would Steve be happy with my choices? A periwinkle and chartreuse kitchen? Or the chartreuse, margarita lime and cinnamon living room? And the sea foam green and dark chocolate bedroom?  I know, exactly, what he would say.  Steve would say, “Whatever you want, Ana”, because that is what he always said!

A new mirror adds a splash of interest.

What the mirror reflects.

I love the "new" living room, it's cheerful and light!

Measure of a Man Part Two

Well, Friday will mark a year that Steve has been gone.  It has been a very tough year.  It is very strange when you get too this point, I’ve been here before with my mom and sister.  It seems like yesterday that we were walking, hand in hand down the Malecon,  yet, it seems like an eternity since I’ve seen him.  I still wait for him to come back and hope that this has all been a big fat joke but I know he won’t and I know it isn’t. 

Everyday I’m asked how I am doing.  It was the right decision to come back and stay in La Paz. Our friends here have been phenomenal, always checking up and including me in their plans.  It is difficult, looking around a dinner table and seeing three couples and me.  But, even that is getting easier.    I talk to Steve every day, many days I still cry and there are those days I don’t.  

My card making has kept me very busy,  and Molly (the dog) has been a true blessing. 

So, when you sit down to dinner on Friday night and you have your glass of wine or margarita in hand, please raise it for Steve, I know I will.

Thank you everyone for helping in this transition.